Welcome to Dudeville: Where the dirty socks run wild and the cleaning supplies are banned

Dear men of Cambridge/Somerville:

After having visited your apartments I would like to offer you some advice as you attempt to attract new roommates to fill that teeny open room you have available.

First, you may want to consider cleaning your apartment prior to a visitor's arrival. While I appreciate, on some level, your honesty and seeing this potential living situation in its natural form, it doesn't quite get us off on the right foot, so to speak. Walking a woman through a trash pit and explaining to her that it would be cleaner if she lived there (right... because I am your live-in cleaning service?), does not build a lot of confidence. Sorry to rain your fantasy, but picking up your dirty under-roos is actually not an appealing prospect.

Second, trying to sell me on your apartment based on the large kitchen would work better if it looked like a space that was actually used for cooking and eating, rather than as a storage space for your science experiments. Between the grime caked kitchen with its pile of moldy dishes and the take-out your had delivered during our visit, I understand you are hoping for a personal chef?

While the city of Cambridge may recognize your address as within its boundaries, they have clearly made a grave error. You clearly live in the heart of downtown Dudeville. I believe I can speak for most of the women in Boston who are apartment hunting: Please note your correct address in your roommate ad. I, for one, am looking to live in Cambridge - not Dudeville. I had nightmares for a week.

Thank you.

ps: You might want to consider having a shaman come smudge your apartment. It smells like evil spirits in there.